Jazz musicians, we can laugh at ourselves, can't we? Jazz musicians can be some of the most rude, bratty and belligerent people on the face of this earth and I know because I used to be one of them at times. Some Jazz musicians assign a "hipness quotient" to a gig, job or situation because of how it suits them. Here are some of the things I have actually heard musicians say or insinuate. 
    • The gig would certainly be hip if I could get paid!!!
    • The gig is hip because I can get drunk enough to forget about how rude and nasty I am
    • The gig is hip because it has all of my favorite drinks for free
    • The gig is hip because I can insult people and get away with it
    • The gig is hip because I only have to play one set
    • The gig is hip because all of the people believe like me
    • The gig is hip because all of the musicians are at my perceived competency level
    • The gig is hip because I get paid cash at before I finish the gig
    • The gig is hip because the leader calls all of the songs I want to play
    • The gig is hip because there is no singer
    • The gig is hip because the audience can read my mind
    • The gig is hip because the audience knows everything about jazz I want them to know
    • The gig is hip because the singer sings the way I want her to singer, and hears all of my altered evasive changes
    • The gig is hip because the leader allows me to take over the gig
    • The gig is hip because the audience isn't hip enough to know I'm practicing a my etudes studies for the whole gig in every solo.
    • The gig is hip because I can be as rude to the club owner and audience as I want
    • The gig is hip because all of he waitresses want me
    • The gig is hip because my band wants me because I'm so sexy
    • The gig is hip because I have enough time after the gig to go to my favorite after hours joint and spend all of the money I just made.
    • The gig is hip because the leader only calls tunes recorded on Blue Note
    • The gig is hip because I can play only my original tunes
    • The gig is hip because I don't need to speak to anyone
    • The gig is hip because we don't read any tunes
    • The gig is hip because we read all of the tunes
    • The gig is hip because we only play Blues in the keys of F, Bb, and C
    • The gig is hip because we play Blues in all keys
    • The gig is hip because the drummer sings and keeps good time
    • The gig is hip because the saxophonist does try to sing
    • The gig is hip because no one uses electronic instruments
    • The gig is hip because we can use electronic instruments
    • The gig is hip because we don't play commercial tunes
    • The gig is hip because we don't play show tunes
    • The gig is hip because we only play the “new music”
    • The gig is hip because everyone can play Trinkle, Trinkle, Trinkle faster than Coltrane.
    • The gig is hip because we only play Monk tunes
    • The gig is hip because we play the most obscure tunes
    • The gig is hip because the piano is tuned the way I like it tuned
    • The gig is hip because the club gives us a free room with unlimited room service
    • The gig is hip because we can be angry and not know why, and still get paid
    • The gig is hip because we can ruin the reputation of the guys who hired us and still demand payment
    • The gig is hip because we get our names announced on NPR
    • The gig is hip because we can cry revolution and not really have an alternative
    • This gig is hip because we can perform difficult depressing tunes and use them against each other as a litmus test for musicianship
    • The gig is hip because we perform esoterica
    • The gig is hip because the club hotel doesn’t require us to wear matching clothing like tuxedos
    • The gig is hip because the leader gives us his leaders fee instead of pocketing it.
    • The gig is hip because we can get drunk, stoned and belligerent without anyone caring
    • The gig is hip because the owner will risk his reputation and licencing just for us by staying open after hours
    • The gig is hip because I don’t have to wear high heels
    • The gig is hip because I don’t have to look feminine or shave my arm pits
    • The gig is hip because the people know we are musicians and sometimes come late
    • The gig is hip because the adults at our rare daytime school performance are hip enough to know that it’s ok for musicians to use fowl language in front of children.
    • The gig is hip because the club we pay in always cashes our checks from other gigs and allows us to be later very often
    • The gig is hip because our audiences know that Jazz is far superior in hipness to all other music ever created on earth
    • The gig is hip because we get to only play with black or non white musicians
    • The gig is hip because we get to play only with white or non black musicians
    • The gig is hip because we get to play only with Jewish or non black, non white, non Hispanic, or educated musicians
    • The gig is hip because we get to play only with Chinese musicians
    • The gig is hip because we get to play only with Japanese musicians
    • The gig is hip because we get to play only with Singaporean musicians, no Expats
    • The gig is hip because we only play with black men of a certain age
    • The gig is hip because we only play with white men of a certain age
    • The gig is hip because we're allowed to “wing it”
    • The gig is hip because we don't play any tunes to the glory of God or overtly Christian beliefs 
    • I last found "The Gig" to be hip because Jazz separates church and state, and everyone who is hip knows Jazz is a national heritage music, so no religious music should be allowed in Jazz on principle. That's why jazz gigs are hip! There's no religion in Jazz!
 


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